Valduggery  Desiderium
by Taylor Jayne G
Summary: Skulduggery and Valkyrie are faced with yet another challeging case. While inspecting they find a strange item which shows the owners greatest desires. What will happen? Will they solve the case? Or will more of their friends die at the hands of Warlocks?
1. Chapter 1

Skulduggery Pleasant glanced at his assisstant, Valkyrie Cain. She was now 19, and still alive. That was certainly a record. To him, anyways. His last assisstant/apprentice/whatever had not lasted long, and had been killed infront of Skulduggery's own eyes. That wasn't something pleasant, and certainly wasn't something he planned on letting happen again. Never again would such a careless thing happen. Especially since he didn't want his reputation ruined. Didn't want people to think he didn't pay attention or something like that.

Skulduggery then realized that during his reflective thoughts to himself on Valkyrie and deaths and whatnot, she'd walked ahead of him down the dark murky street. "You know, you could try and act like you don't know where you're going" he said as he caught up with her.

Valkyrie rolled her eyes at Skulduggery, mimicking his tone as she spoke, "You could try and pay attention more."

Skulduggery would have rolled his eyes, if he had eyes. Or eyelids for that matter. In fact, he probably would have preferred having eyelids, rather than eyes. Eyes would be useless without eyelids. Whereas, you could still roll eyelids. "Well...I do pay attention. This just isn't my best day." Skulduggery replied, straightening his finely tailored suit, made by none other than Ghastly Bespoke.

Valkyrie nodded in such a sarcastic fashion it nearly made Skulduggery proud. Obviously she got her sarcasm from the best. Him. "Yeah yeah." she said, nudging Skulduggery's bony body as she gestured for him to continue walking.

Skulduggery let out what sounded like a huff, though he couldn't be sure. "Be careful" he said, patting his ribcage. "I'm very delicate, I've been taken apart and put back together so many times you wouldn't believe!" he said with a nod. It was true, he was delicate. Each day he found his jawbone was looser than the day before and he had to click it back in. Sometimes he literally just wanted to fall apart.

Valkyrie merely rolled her eyes and continued to walk. She was unsure of where they even were. It was too foggy when they'd arrived in the dull town to even see the 'Welcome to...' sign. But she could see the street names, so she knew where she was going, roughly. Skulduggery followed her, most likely smiling in his own mind, as he always was.

The case, was a simple one. Valkyrie remembered when Ghastly had told them about it, it was a very unusual briefing, considering neither her nor Skulduggery usually ever got briefings. Skulduggery somehow always knew when there was a case and Valkyrie never chose to question it.

But it went like so;

Ghastly had walked into the room, his Elder robes on. He looked grumpy, as he always did when he didn't want to something but he clearly had to.

"Oh mighty Elder Bespoke" Skulduggery had said dramatically, getting down on one knee, sweeping his hat from the top of his skull as he bowed his bony head.

"Stand up and shut up" Ghastly muttered, his eyes narrowing at his oh-so sarcastic and witty friend.

"Of course, oh great leader" Skulduggery said, still keeping up the dramatic soap opera act as he stood up and placed his hat back upon his head, an invisible smirk drawn across his lips. Ghastly had grumbled on for a while about more sightings of Warlocks around the Dublin area, and how more and more sorcerers were disappearing and being found in their homes, dead.

When Ghastly had finished talking, Skulduggery got down on one knee again. "Oh your majesty, we thank you for this honourable task. We shall fulfill the duty you wish for us to fulfill, ever so thoroughly" he'd said, and Valkyrie couldn't help but let out something between a snort and a laugh.

"Skulduggery, stop taking the piss or I will...Chop your head off" Ghastly grumbled. Skulduggery went to correct him and say that even if he did that he would still be alive, but Ghastly held his hand up to him. "Don't. Go get started on the job" he mumbled before hoisting up his robes to his ankles and leaving the dark room.

And now they were in god knows where, looking for...Something.

Skulduggery stopped Valkyrie, only to walk past her to the door of a house. They were on Toirdhealbhach Street, however that was said. The number on the house was 18. Skulduggery tapped the door four times, and waited. After ten seconds with no answer, he kicked the door down.

"Just because someone isn't home, doesn't mean that you need to break down their door. You could leave a 'We visited' note. But no.." Valkyrie started, but trailed off when she walked into the house and felt the necromancer ring on her finger get considerably colder. Death.

"I'm always right" Skulduggery said as he walked into the house behind Valkyrie. He picked up the door and placed it back, balancing it against the frame so it looked like it was on the hinges, but it wasn't, obviously. He was no mender-of-doors. Skulduggery walked into the living room, and lying in the center of the room, was none other than Dexter Vex. Skulduggery paused. Valkyrie blinked. The nice man she'd met at the Requiem Ball, one of Skulduggery's long-time friends, was lying dead in front of them.

"I didn't know Vex lived here" Skulduggery muttered. What he really meant was; I really did not expect to find my friend here. Ghastly hadn't said whose house he was sending them to to inspect. Maybe because he didn't want to tell Skulduggery himself. Or maybe he himself didn't know Vex lived here, since Vex travelled, no one knew he even had a home.

Skulduggery's demeanor changed, and Valkyrie could tell he wasn't going to let it get to him just yet. He was going to do his job before he decided to grieve.

Both silently inspected the house. There was not a smidge of evidence. When Valkyrie walked back to the living room, Skulduggery was knelt over the body, holding Vex's hand with his head bowed. "Skulduggery..." she trailed off, unsure of how to comfort him.

"I've got it!" Skulduggery exclaimed as he wrenched something from his friend's hand and held it up in the air. He stood up and brushed himself off, nodding down once at Vex's body. "Sorry Vex old buddy, I'm sure they can fix your fingers before we bury you" he said, leaning down and giving the corpse a pat on the shoulder.

The item in Skulduggery's hand, was clear black stone. It had the look of a crystal. It was carved in the perfect shape of a half-moon. Skulduggery popped it into his pocket and nodded to the broken door. "Let's depart, shall we?" he said.

"What about Vex?" Valkyrie asked as if it was blatatly obvious they couldn't exactly leave the skeleton's friend lying there dead. "Oh he'll be picked up by the sanctuary later, and I can grieve properly at the funeral!" Skulduggery said as he pulled the door a little and it tipped over. He walked over it and out of the house, Valkyrie following suit.

"What was that moonstone thing you picked up?" Valkyrie asked after pulling the door up into place, following Skulduggery through the foggy streets. He was bent over, trying to look below the fog for the Bentley.

"It, is the Desiderium" Skulduggery said as he patted the pocket he'd put the stone into, a slight mysterious tone to his voice. But Valkyrie couldn't tell if he was trying to be dramatic or if such an item deserved the mysterious tone.


	2. Chapter 2

"A what?" Valkyrie furrowed her eyebrows.

"A desiderium." Skulduggery repeated, taking the stone out of his pocket and passing it to Valkyrie. "Its the sort of thing you only find on the black market-" he was then cut off by Valkyrie.

"Wait...There's a magic black market?" Valkyrie asked, her eyes widening as she looked down at the stone, passing it from hand to hand as she inspected it.

"Of course there is Valkyrie. Everything has a black market. I'm pretty sure even the black market, has a black market." Skulduggery said, nodding his boney head.

"Why would the black market have a black market?" Valkyrie asked as she held the stone out to Skulduggery, who took it and popped it back into his pocket. He bent down again to look below the fog as he spoke. "Well, that's for the really hard-to-get items. Like for instance, the Mona Lisa, if stolen, would be on the black market. But in the black market's black market, there would be Da Vinci's bones and coffin" Skulduggery said wisely.

"Who'd want an old painter's bones?" Valkyrie exclaimed, a look of disgust on her face.

"This is why I never explain things to you."

Valkyrie didn't reply, but instead let out a grumpy huff. Skulduggery just continued to look through the fog until eventually they reached the Bentley. Skulduggery got into the driver's seat and pulled on his seatbelt as Valkyrie slid into the passenger seat and pulled her own seatbelt over her skinny body. The two sat in silence as Skulduggery started the car and reversed out of their parking space. And then he turned the car and drove in the direction of Haggard, which wasn't far from wherever they were, because they'd had such a short car ride in the first place.

"Well, how's Alice?" Skulduggery asked in an attempt to make some sort of conversation with Valkyrie. He knew Valkyrie didn't really want to talk about family of all things, but he wasn't sure what topic other than Alice Valkyrie would reply to.

"Alice is fine..." Valkyrie raised an eyebrow at Skulduggery before changing the subject completely. "So, about this Desiderium, what exactly does it even do?" she asked.

"Well..." Skulduggery started. "The Desiderium shows and fulfills the owner's greatest desire...But no one knows exactly how it does it. There's no initiation manual or leaflet" Skulduggery said, taking the stone out of his pocket and passing it back to Valkyrie once again. "It's been lost for years. I imagine Vex found it on his travels. I imagine the Warlocks want it, and are killing potential owners. A.K.A, most sorcerers within the Irish area. Ireland is the cradle of magic, if the Desiderium's going to be anywhere, it'll be here. There, case solved. Now all we have to do is stop the Warlocks and save the world once again, as we always do."

"But what's the point of having an item of this value if you don't know how to work it? It's like giving a three year old a laptop and telling them to write up a powerpoint on atoms."

Skulduggery would have rolled his eyes, but of course, he couldn't. "There is one man who might know how to use it, but the problem is he's a complete moron."

"Who?" Valkyrie asked curiously.

"Finbar Wrong" Skulduggery said before turning into the street where Finbar's tattoo parlor was. "He may be a sensitive, but he knows a lot about mystic stones. If he doesn't know anything we'll go to China. As long as she promises not to steal it."

"China? But..." Valkyrie trailed off. Neither she nor Skulduggery had spoken to China since Scorn had revealed that China was the one who lured Skulduggery's family into the trap that got them killed. But if they wanted to get the case solved, they more or less had to go ahead with it, however much they hated China. But deep down both Skulduggery and Valkyrie were hoping that Finbar would have the information they needed.

When Skulduggery stopped the car, both got out at the same time, but Skulduggery was at the door of the parlor before Valkyrie. He held the door open for her and followed her in as she entered. Finbar was sitting by the cash register, his headphones in listening to god knows what. They could only hear the muffled heavy guitar-playing, so it was most likely heavy metal. When Finbar saw them he switched off the stereo and removed his earphones, hopping off of his seat.

"Skul-man!" Finbar exclaimed walking over to both him and Valkyrie. "Hey Val!" he said, giving them both a nod. "What can I do for you? Hey Skull, wanna say Hi to Sharon?"

"Finbar, I still don't know Sharon." Skulduggry replied.

"Oh...Yeah. Well, nevermind. So why're you here? Long time no see dude!"

"Yes. Fortunetly it has been a long time. I wanted to ask you if you knew anything about this" Skulduggery said, holding up the Desiderium. Finbar took it and inspected it in his grubby hands, and Skulduggery pulled out his handkerchief, ready to polish the stone when it was handed back to him. Finbar shook his head. "Sorry Skul-man. I only know its the Desiderium, but if you're looking for how to make it work, I got nothin'" he said with a shrug, passing the stone back to Skulduggery. Skulduggery gave the stone a quick polish with his handkerchief before placing the stone back into the confines of his pocket.

"Well that's all we came here for, thank you for the help Finbar. We'll be back soon" Skulduggery said and he and Valkyrie were out the door before Finbar could protest. Skulduggery walked straight to the Bentley and got into the driver's seat, followed by Valkyrie who slid into the passenger seat. Skulduggery started the car without a word and headed off in the direction of China's.

Skulduggery stopped the car outside of the building China lived in and let out a sigh before he got out of the car. Valkyrie watched him before also exiting the car. The two walked into the building and up the stairs until they reached China's new apartment, since her last one was blown up by Eliza Scorn. They walked in without knocking. The main room was a large room, filled with shelves of books. China was sitting by a fire, staring at the flames while she sipped a cup of either tea or coffee.

"Well, I see you've started rebuilding your library" Skulduggery said in a sickly chipper tone. China's head snapped up to look at them both and her beautiful blue eyes widened. Valkyrie nearly let herself fall in love again.

"What do you want?" China said, her voice nearly cracking a little. She stood up and walked towards them. She couldn't hide her surprise that Skulduggery was there. Especially after...Well, everything.

Skulduggery held up the Desiderium and China's eyes widened even more. "We wish to know how you initiate the power of the Desiderium. We decided to come to you, as long as you promise not to steal it, or talk about the past in any way. And don't say sorry. If you say sorry I will shoot you right now. I'm sick of 'Sorry'." Skulduggery said.

"I promise not to say the s-word, and I won't steal it" China said as she snatched the Desiderium from Skulduggery's hand. If she could initiate it in such a way that all three of them got what they wanted, she would have her library. Her collection would be restored.

"Excellent!" Skulduggery said, clasping his hands together. China sat down and pulled out one of her books and started reading while she examined the stone. Valkyrie and Skulduggery walked over to the shelves to browse, deciding to leave China to it.

After a while, China called them back. On the floor she'd aranged coals from her fire around in a circle and set the Desiderium in the middle. Her finger was on the Desiderium, and she gestured for them to do the same. Valkyrie crouched down next to China and placed her finger on the cool stone. Skulduggery removed his leather glove and placed his bony finger on the stone next to Valkyrie's. They both then noticed the three symbols carved around the Desiderium into the carpet, they made a triangular shape.

China touched the first one with her free hand as she murmured a chant.

"Est desiderium meum."

China touched the second symbol, murmuring the next line.

"Volo desiderium meum."

China finally touched the third one as she said the last line as clear as a bell.

"Dare me desiderium meum!"

The stone began to glow and China leaned towards it, Valkyrie and Skulduggery did the same, but unbeknowngst to Valkyrie, her finger had slipped off of the stone. The glowing light began to outgrow the stone and spread around them until the whole room was lit, then a giant force pushed all three back against the wall.

China looked around her Library. It was just like the old one. Rich with books, and magical items.

Skulduggery looked down at his hands, which had skin on them.


	3. Chapter 3 A short chapter

"Well then" Skulduggery said, inspecting his hands. Valkyrie stared wide-eyed at the man that she'd once known to be a skeleton, who now had skin on his hands. When China's attention was off of the library that was rich with books, she turned around and gasped. "You...You look just like you used to" she said in shock, furrowing her eyebrows as she inspected her old friend.

"Oh...So I have skin on my face too?" Skulduggery said, reaching up and touching his cheek. "Well would you look at that" he muttered, standing up. His suit was a little tighter since it wasn't being worn by a skeleton, but a man, but he looked just like himself...Except with skin. Valkyrie was so shocked she just let her mouth open wide. Skulduggery chuckled. "I know. I'm a handsome devil" he said, posing quickly before picking his glove up off of the floor and sliding it onto his gloveless hand, looking in a nearby mirror. He was shocked, but more happy than that.

Valkyrie sighed as she watched Skulduggery make faces into a nearby mirror, standing up as she did so. "My finger slipped" she said, glancing down at the stone. She was actually disheartened. Because what she wanted most right now, was Tanith. Tanith without the remnant in her. Surely this was the only way to get it out. This stone could do so much. It would bring Tanith back, it would get rid of Ghastly's hideous scars... Maybe it could bring world peace. But then again, who, truly, wanted world peace? Everyone had some sort of selfishness inside them that when presented with such a device, they would go for what would benefit them most.

Skulduggery grinned over at Valkyrie, and Valkyrie's eyes widened. Lord, it would take her a while to get used to that. "Well Valkyrie, now we have all we need we should leave China to it" he said, leaning down and picking up the Desiderium, popping it into his pocket. China looked to them with a face of pain and hurt at the fact they were going. But she knew it was going to happen. Skulduggery's face went serious and he gave China a curt nod before leaving with Valkyrie.

Skulduggery's human form was young. He was tall, quite pale, and had piercing blue eyes. His brown hair was light and thick, and curly, but not frizzy curly, more like a natural curl. Valkyrie thought he looked a lot like Jude Law, but since Jude was attractive she decided not to mention it, because Skulduggery was the last person who needed an ego-boost, considering he was practically strutting down the stairs. "This is odd." he commented, looking up at Valkyrie. "I look like me again and it's just odd" he muttered, going outside of the building and heading over to his Bentley.

When they were in the car, he turned to Valkyrie and paused. Valkyrie raised an eyebrow. "What?" she asked. Skulduggery glanced down at the clutch of the car then to his apprentice. "Do you want to go back and get China to do it again so you can get what you want?" he asked. Valkyrie heavily conisdered it, but shook her head. "It can wait" she said in a small voice.

"What can?" he asked, extremely curious as to what Valkyrie actually wanted.

"Tanith"


End file.
